Quips and quotes from whomever...
It 's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name..
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you..
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.
Not quite the same, but I thought some were funny. I loved the last one of yours, Cris!
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.
If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility because there are so few of us left.
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man and communism is the reverse.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
How would we measure hail without golf balls?
If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you have lunch or go to a movie?
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
"BEER ... IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!"
I always liked:
So what's the speed of dark?
Almost as silly as "What's the sound of one hand clapping?" only not nearly as esoteric!
Groucho Marx's quip is pretty good too:
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII
* We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop
* If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement
to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers
* Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
* Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev
* When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow
* Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
* If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno
* Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
* Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to
protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer
* The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass
on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and
prove it. ~P.J. O'Rourke
* I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
* A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan
* Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from
ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal
* I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle
* Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson
* Don't vote, it only encourages them. ~Unknown
* There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. ~Will Rogers
Self praise is no recommendation.
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.
Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Old fishermen never die. They just smell like it!