Well, it had to be done, didn't it? And since this is both the first and last post, I have won. Thank you all.
Literalism is a lost cause.
Don't worry, I'll help you find it.
Some things are best left hidden.
Fear not, your secrets are safe with me.
Then switch off that camera.
Hello! Nice to see your face, Jay. You can't possibly win, but it's so nice to have more people to defeat!
Hello, Jay, again. Can't let Kevin be last, can I?
Yes you can!
No, I can't find it in my heart. Well, I can't actually find my heart at all.
How sad... you're not in the Wizard of Oz, are you?
Yes. I am. Well, I live in Oz, anyway. Near enough.
I know. Don't you wish you were also Antipodean? And such a winner?
I'm a podean. And a winner.
Then I oppose you. And I'm a betterer winner.
But I'm the bestest winner.
Not so, sir. I am the last, and therefore the first. Do I CONFUSE you? *simpering laughter behind a hand held lacy fan*
Er, no, you don't confuse me by simpering laughter, whether behind an asterisked lacy fan or not.
It's very clear: I am the winner.
Old news, Pomgolian. Old news.
You like old news?
No. New news is what matters. Newsflash! I win!
Newsflash! No you don't!