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some guidelines for life

1. jimdaly9813 January 2010, 17:44 GMT +00:00

Came across this while stumbling around the internet. I thought it might amuse.

http://www.whiney.com/

2. xymonau14 January 2010, 1:10 GMT +00:00

Once I got past the rude ones (gives a glowering look to Jim), they were funny. I particularly liked this one:
"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by
killing all those who opposed them. "
I have decided to take it as my personal motto in the Last one to Post On RGB topic. :)

3. happyture14 January 2010, 6:14 GMT +00:00

Then, GOOD! you will loose and i shall win, i shall be a triumphant and suckseed like my budgie!

4. ervinbacik14 January 2010, 7:57 GMT +00:00

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

Don't know who said that but he is a genius.

5. decar6621 January 2010, 1:15 GMT +01:00

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm still laughing on this one

6. crisderaud7 February 2010, 17:35 GMT +01:00

More guidelines from cops:

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country. Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have a sense of humor! (yeah, right! But some are pretty funny.)

16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.."

15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not... Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey shit."

6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

2. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.."

AND THE WINNER IS....

1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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