Stumbled across this one - thought you might like it.
See, Mikey? In Oz they just don't know the words.
See they not as edumcated as like what we am, and they cant speak propper like what we does,, but i has a soft spot for the Oztralians i likeum see like init!
I does so torks good.
Mmm, knot two bad are yew, but yew canna spell four toffee can yew hay? dont bee hinbarrest bout it, i two was wonce Dyslexic, thousands of pounds later hime righting bucks on the Engrish landguidge, hamazing init..
You is zigzageratin'! You carnt possumbly way thousands of pounds! You is tellin' porkies!
It's all the porkies wot is risponsibull. Full of animal fat, them sossiges!
Hey - you'm izza good speller, too! Dja reely finkee izzat fat?
I thunk he's bean reeding our dicktonary, Only £14.50p plus post n pakage
Fortin fifty! S'arippoff! I'm stickin' wiv me own. I'm mutch too mutch of a jenlman to say weather he's fat. (oops...)
SHSHSH! Portly izwot we gotta callim. "E's senstitive, 'e 'is.
Mikey, you duzzent have a dicknery. I seened your deksk. Jussa computitator an' a ol' samidge.
have too, yew havent seen in me stewdio, where i does me photographs and stuff, i shall show you a photograph of my stewdio, cuz my stewdio is all set up with flashes n stuff, computers, bits a paper, no samidges at all, :O)
I c'n make you a samidge. Wotcha want?
Careful, Mikey, be very very careful...
Oh ye of little faith. You wanta samidge, too?
Thats verry kind ov yew dezzie butt hime on a diet starting from naw, carnt eat samidge's B'cuz bread iz carbowhighdraits hand knot gud four my wasteline, have you got henything cept them samidges ?
The hooman body needs carbohydrates to live. You can have what I'm havin' right now - boiled punkin an potater, wif water-fried eggplant, oyster mushrooms, garlic (gobs of it), onion an' what you call scallions (stupid name for a begetavle!). It tastes divine, an' it will cost only a day's wage. Cheap at half the price, ol' son!
That sounds reely nice, vegtabulls arr reely cheep over ere, we grow much of our hone thats why, wee doo himport fruits and stuff in the winter that iz wen priceseses go up, i preefur UK grown tastes munch betterer, goin four me walk in a bit, get me leg muscles workin a bit, cuz they is the biggestest muscle in your body and burns more to power um up..
I fink the muscle in your head is a close second. After all, it spat out that forest critter. Have a nice walk. I'll keep your seat warm an' watch your TV an' eat your crisps for you while you're gone. Don't hurry. I likes it here.
Many fanks, im going now in a minute, its raining now so waterproofs out ...you can have the crisps i have licked the flavour off um cuz thats the ony bit i likes :O)
Well, that was the second lot of flavour, cause I dun that when they was bran' new, and fought you'd get hupset wif me, so I rubbed 'em wif talcum powder. Yer Mam diddent mind seein' as 'ow she was asleep, an' I rubbed 'em ever so gently in 'er armpits. Lucky she wears talc, eh?
Ma dont use talc, she always uses sheep dip, staines her armpits blue it do, but thats how she nows that her as put it on wiv her memory like it is n all, so the crips wernt redy sulted then?
Hmmm. Mebbe you better brush yer teefs. Sheep dip an' sheep drench izzent the same. Still, I'm pretty sure the dip will kill all yer worms, regardless. You got worms?
I knows me sheep dip from me drench gurl, an no i aint got worms cuz the drench keeps um away for a hole 12 months, itchy bum freeness,,
So graphic, aincha?
It is a lovely clear and bright day, going to be warm later, and I am going to start getting my gear together for my trip tomorrow. I'm afraid I'll have to resort to caffeine to make it there. Otherwise I'll have a little nap at the wheel.