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Funny News Story

1. xymonau20 May 2010, 1:41 GMT +02:00

This was on Yahoo news today. I laughed out loud when I read it, particularly the second last sentence.

"hree would-be thugs have learnt their lesson after setting upon a fellow train passenger in a dimly lit alley in Sydney's west

The three men attacked the 27-year-old German medical student after getting off the train and following him down the alley at Kingswood.

What the muggers did not realise was that the alley ran behind the Ninja Senshi Ryu warrior school.

A ninja student coming out of class noticed the attack and alerted his teacher and three other students.

Ninja sensei Kaylan Soto says he and his students gave chase to the men.

"We looked around to see what was happening and there were three blokes on this guy just kicking him and punching him in the head," he said.

"We started running towards them and they took off. They would have seen five of us in ninja gear... all in black with our belts on, running toward them.

"I think they're probably still running if I'm not mistaken."

The attackers were arrested a short time later. The medical student received only minor injuries."

2. crisderaud17 July 2010, 19:19 GMT +02:00


A country called Facebook …

If Facebook were a country, it would be the 3rd largest in the world in terms of population. Republic of Facebook would have several states the largest being the state of Zynga! (more with map at link)

http://www.visualeconomics.com/the-republic-of-facebook_2010-06-29/

3. micromoth19 July 2010, 7:58 GMT +02:00

@2 I notice that although this country has some startling geological formations (RockYou!), landslides (Slide), electrical storms (Electr. Arts) and nearly submerged islands (Barack Obama), it doesn't have a single volcano. Is this significant?

4. krayker19 July 2010, 8:32 GMT +02:00

maybe the submerged island is a volcano like hawaii ? :)
facebook, although is a good means of findign long lost friends and general communication, social networks in general waste a lot of time. most people get fed up after the initial honeymoon period, and probably those in facebook after those initial years or months continue just because others are in there too!

5. xymonau20 July 2010, 11:03 GMT +02:00

I hate it, but I did find a penfriend I visited in New York thirty years ago! LOL

6. crisderaud11 November 2010, 16:24 GMT +01:00

Check out this bit of history I found on Facebook...

History info is so cool
by John Zaffis on Wednesday, November 10, 2010 at 2:52pm

Where did Piss Poor come from? Urine used to be used to tan animal skins, so families would all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor". But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500's:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it....Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."

They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive... So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

7. crisderaud3 December 2010, 15:21 GMT +01:00

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg , Fl. Times. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new AMERICAN Car. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes..

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

8. crisderaud23 December 2010, 15:28 GMT +01:00

They're Back! Church Bulletins: These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.

It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.

Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict..

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell ?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

----------------------------------- ---------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 p.m. there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church.

Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m.

All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m.

Please use the back door.

-------------------------- ------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m.

The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours !

9. xymonau24 December 2010, 9:13 GMT +01:00

LOL!

10. crisderaud27 February 2011, 16:02 GMT +01:00

1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multitasking was invented.

18.. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. (good to know)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. (and you thought this list was completely useless)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32 Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

34.. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her ass off to jail'.

11. Groningen27 February 2011, 17:50 GMT +01:00

Tv-zender toont 24 uur per dag roosterende kip
Goed nieuws voor Canadezen die graag kijken naar bradende kippen: het Canadese familierestaurant Swiss Chalet biedt vanaf maandag een digitale televisiezender aan waarop de klok rond bradende kippen te zien zijn. Dat meldt de Canadese pers. Een hele dag door zal op de 'Rotisserie Channel' te zien zijn hoe twaalf kippen roosteren in een open oven. Het gaat om een publiciteitsstunt, die deel uitmaakt van een bredere campagne van Swiss Chalet. Het tv-kanaal, dat dertien weken zal bestaan, zal beschikbaar zijn voor de klanten van Rogers, een aanbieder van digitale televisie, in Ontario. Andere varianten in het genre zijn het haardvuur, de zonsondergang en het aquarium, aldus een woordvoerder van Rogers.

Good news for Canadians who like to watch frying chickens: the Canadian family restaurant Swiss Chalet will offer as of Monday February 28, a digital television-channel that broadcasts frying chickens 24 hrs a day! The 'Rotisserie Channel' shows twelve chickens roasting in an open oven. It's a publicity stunt that's part of a broader campaign by Swiss Chalet. The tv-channel, that will last for thirteen weeks, will be available for members of Rogers, a digital television provider, in Ontario.
The frying chickens theme has other (older) variants such as the cosy fire, the sunset and the aquarium, so states a Rogers' spokesperson.

12. crisderaud10 March 2011, 15:39 GMT +01:00

Customer: Hi, I am looking for a Canon lens.

Shopkeeper: Certainly, which one specifically or what’s the purpose?

Customer: I am looking for a lens that can shoot pictures with sharp foreground objects and sharp background objects.

Shopkeeper: Right, you mean a lens that is good for close-ups and landscape?

Customer: Well, not exactly, I want a lens to shoot pictures that everything is in not blurry, especially not those blurry backgrounds with people.

Shopkeeper: Hmm?

Customer: Should I buy the 70-200 2.8 IS II? What do you think I should buy?

Shopkeeper: I think you should buy a photography book first.

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