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forum > Fun zone > feelings of security

feelings of security

1. jimdaly988 May 2011, 13:54 GMT +02:00

While looking for some information on a new book by Scots author Quintin Jardine
, I found this on his blog -

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the
Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

This is the limk if you want yto look at any more of the blog.
http://quintinjardine.wordpress.com/page/2/

2. happyture8 May 2011, 14:13 GMT +02:00

Well Jimbo, i think that just about puts a smile on everyone's face .. great stuff!

3. xymonau8 May 2011, 14:19 GMT +02:00

Very racist, but mostly funny! LOL

4. Groningen8 May 2011, 18:35 GMT +02:00

well I am offended that he doesn't mention the Dutch (open the flood-gates)

5. xymonau9 May 2011, 10:16 GMT +02:00

Wasn't one Austin Powers movie offensive enough for the dutch? Sheesh!

6. Groningen9 May 2011, 16:59 GMT +02:00

dunno, haven't seen those?

7. xymonau10 May 2011, 11:12 GMT +02:00

"Goldmember" is the movie, and the villain is a Dutchman. Austin Power's father spends most of the movie saying bad things about the Dutch. Mike Myers does the accent perfectly. My brother in law is Dutch, and he sounded just like him.

8. Groningen10 May 2011, 18:17 GMT +02:00

was that the film where the woman who is in bed with Austin explodes?

That was about the only part of the three films I ever saw
(I find them excruciating boring)

9. xymonau11 May 2011, 10:02 GMT +02:00

I don't think so, but I saw it a long time ago. I don't like that sort of humour, but I do appreciate Mike Myer's acting. He's very adaptable.

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