Well, it had to be done, didn't it? And since this is both the first and last post, I have won. Thank you all.
You're right, he looks a little pale. But may be he's only posh and from blue blood. They always look a little pale.
Nice of you to spot me. Thanks
A case of mistaken identity, Phil. It's me.
I might be getting old but I can still tell the difference between me an' a moff. It's me.
No, it's moffee.
Is that one of them funny coffees ?
Boy's, calm down. It's me!
Surely not, Gesine. You can't be a funny coffee - how would you fit in the mug?
And such an ugly mug for a moff. Death's head, is it?
I've heard of wacky baccy, but never funny coffee. They do things differently in the British Isles.
Yep! we do things right. If we want to screw anything up we do it good and proper like. We don't just stop violence, we completely dispose of discipline and leave people like teachers, parents and police defencless against unruley children. Same with compensation; that thief who can claim for cutting himself on the glass from the window he smashed getting in. or the P.A. suffering from stress after the paper cut she got from the envolope she had to stick. O.K. a little over the top but you get the idea, and while you think about that I've jolly well escaped with the prize. Yipee !
All you have to do to lay the blame for all that is to find the organisation that has constantly championed "human rights" - religiously - and bingo. They are turning the tide of human history, and we are all little frogs on the stovetop, as the water is reaching boiling point, blissfully unaware.
You jolly well haven't got the prize. That's the moff! He has been sleeping in the prize's bed in case this very thing happened. I hope you'll both be very happy. I know I will. I have the millyun dollers.
Oi! I'd like my monopoly money back, please. The real million dollars is with me. As is the Prize. He was most upset that Phil wouldn't do a Risk Assessment on the psychological stresses of escapology. He feels much calmer now with me. Must be the funny coffee. ;-)
No, you can't have the monopoly money back. I took it with the real munny just to prove i have a real monopoly over the winnings. You can keep the prize (he has halitosis, anyway) and I will keep the munny. Singin' and dancin', people! I wish you could see me!
Erm, no, I'll turn down the final offer, thanks. The Prize is so upset about being accused of having halitosis that he's taken to kicking long-eared jerboas (when no-one is looking). He's also hired some bailiffs who've reclaimed the money. And he's given it to me! Yay!
He didn't get even that right. A jerboa is not a donkey. And those weren't bailiffs! They were the local bovver boys, and guess who they robbed? Your granny! ROFL! Oh my achin' sides! ...And hers!
That was no bailiff it woz me. I have the real prize and I've burried it under a load of recriminations. :0) It's says it's happier there than having to suffer Dez's singing and dancing.
Wrong! The Prize has whispered to me that ...he doesn't like JD! So he's back with me.
And my granny is going to press charges on Dez for inciting the bailiffs to mug her!
My singin' and dancin' are legendary. Like Zelda.
Judgmental, grandfather, aren't you? Only you could produce that weight of recriminations. A terrible hobby for an otherwise dignified OAP.
As for macromouth's granny - I told her the troof. She's going to be calling on you any minute. She is NOT HAPPY!
Okay, I give up - what is LIG?
LIG? Life Is Good!
I have the Prize, I have the munny, and granny knows an Ozzy Shaggy Doggy story when she hears it.
What's this about Phil and Zelda?
Who's got an Ozzy Shaggy Doggy ? I've always wanted one. Are they as rare as Dez's jeans/genes ?
Rare? I thought she preferred them deep-fried. Lol!
Well, somebody's dna is very close to being barbequeued, and it isn't mine. Tell your granny the truth.
Ah, so this is what it feels like to be rid of those troublemakers! I've won, the prize is mine, the munny is mine, and everything is as it should be. *a-a-a-h*