Stumbled across this one - thought you might like it.
She hadvised me whigh yoo hask , dunt yoo thunk a hinny his betterer lookin thun a houty ,,,Well i do sow there, it will look sow munch betterer when i has me beech bathing man thong on,, lookin at me manthong i dunno hiff there's hinnuff to keep things under control..hiff yoo knows what high meen.. ?
I has a hinny. Nuffink could get outa that mounda blubber. Heeven wiffa compass. I know not of wotchoo is implyin' an I cares not to know corse you has been tolded, hainchoo? Alleye gotta do is call yer p'role hossifer an yoo is back inna slammer.
YOO WOODN'T DARE..................................
See them buttings? Onna FONE? See mah finger POOSH the first one? I knows the number! Gotcha!
Bet yoo has no credit init avya, an maa sed she will givya a whoopin hiff yoo do that sow their put that inya pipe n smoke it :O)
Aha! (does wild victory dance) I gotsyoo there, Mummy's boy! I DUZZENT SMOKE! Ha!!!
Yoo can look hout naw, Ma sed nobuddy calls her boy a mummy's boy and her sed yoo'll be smokin when shee's finished wivya...
Yoo better have sumpin' to back that up, foureyes! (I sees them dark glasses!) I reckon yoo wood use yer ma as a fret. Heye know she likes me better'n you corze eye feeds 'er.
Yoo called me fore eyes,,,,,,,,,,,,,dat iz rood i can sea yoor maa never hever kerectid yoo as a little boy,,,no siree cuz i wood never ever hinsalt you like that two bee honest hime a bit hupset naw :O(
Aw - diddums! Did the narsty lady say tewwible fings to widdle Mikey? I will tell her off, I will.
(vanishes outside for a few minutes - much banging and crashing and screaming)
Dere, dere, widdle Mikey. She won't never calls you foureyes again corze she hunnerstan's you is a Mummy's boy.
Juss like me!
:O) me glasses are cool inthey,, look like one hoff the bloo's brothers dont i hey :0)
You has a bittovva Horse on Wells look goin' there, Sunshine. Rarver dab for a Pomgolian.
I'm sposed to get sunglasses, but every pair I try on looks ridikkluss. I've got to the stage where I ain't game to try henny more in case the shop girls larf at me. I'm gunna tape coloured cellophane to me highbrows instedd.
Ha ha ha ha,,No, say what you meen Dezzie Horse on wells you cheekt gurl,, you likes me goaty then :)
Yoos could be bruvvers - twinses, heven.
I'm sat sittin' here eatin' me pretzel sticks dipped in Promite (quite the hinternatshinal konosser, hain't I?) I yam expectoratin' to call emergency servisses inna minnit corze my brekky was two bananas, follered by two Lebanese cucumbers smeared wiff Promite, then the pretzel sticks. Eyem not shore they is all goin' to get on in the confined space that is my belly. Wait...who am I kiddin'? You could park a bus in there!
An' I thunk a goate wozza narrer little chin fuzz. You gotta jungle on YOR face.
WOT AV I TOLD YOU BOUT EATIN LEFT OVER RABBIT FOOD?? its tinner gud four yoo,, Y dont yoo juss do has yoo iz told an frow it haway,, hime tellin yoo naw no gud whill come ov it honly twitchy ears Ann whiskers ann yoo duont wont that doo yoo hay??? No you downt ,,,,,,
As four me goatee it started whell an spread like wildfire hall over me face scept four little bits ere n there,,,ann i haz two hadmit that i haz a resemblance to horse on wells but dung hee woz a gud luckin fella anywho dont yoo thunk?
I yused ta, tilleye seed 'e looked likeyoo.
Garn, then - tell yer Ma I sayed that! Big girl's blouse!
Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HA!!!! Yoo shud no betterer than that,, Hinsalts run off mee like worter off a dukks back Mrs,,,,,,, Ann i wood tell Ma but hers runned hoff again with the butcher her'll do enyfink four a piece hoff pork :O)
That there bootcha muss be a terrible lonesome poor feller.
An' iff you feeded yer Ma more than toofpaste, she might stay put.
Water diddent run off wen I calljoo foreyes, diddit?
Aw, I feels sorry forya, yer poor hairy thing. 'Ere - 'ave a toffee.
Ahh no ard feelins the boy gizza toffee then,,yoo ain't sucked the chocolate off um again avya :O(
You know I 'ave. Don't start wiff yor la-de-da stuff an' turn up yor nose at perfeckly good food. Why there's starvin' peeple wot would eat them toffees an' not even ARSK if I'd cleaned em up, so to speak. Choc'lit is bad for you, hennyways. Juss gets stuck in yor beerd.
I likes me food stuck in me beerd sves it theer four leighter , ann hiff its sow bad four yoo why harr yoo licking the choclate off huh,,, huh,,,,hanswer that then without moovin your lips .......
(makes vulgar gesture wiffout moovin lips)
Duzzat hansa yor queschun?
See, Eye duzzent has a normal choclatory system. I kin heet hit hall day long, 'n apart from a mild case of hyperactivitee (the judge woz wrong to call it mania) hyme juss fine, thanks very mutch.
Don' fink corze yoo looks like a moovy star that you kin get the betterer of me, no siree Bob!
If fink yoo has wunderered slightly off the troofh threre Dezzie i seed that glazzed luck in yoor eyes wen yoo haz bean eatin choclit an the manic luck seems two have stayed wiv yoo hanit ?? knot bean rood or nuffin ?? Moovy Star,.,,.,.,..moovy star,,,,ha ha ha ha carryhokie star yes that his mee,,
Hey - I corled yoo a moovy star an' yoo corled me MANIC? I look MANIC??
A word to the wise, Sunshine - see this sharpenin' nyfe in me 'and? An' this stick? Well, arfta I sharpens the stick, the nyfe becomes a throwin' nyfe, if you gets my drift. Anna stick? Dear me, yoo IS funny! Itsa flippin' STICK! For STICKIN'!!